What Does Your favourite Christmas Film Say About You?

FRIENDLY REMINDER: These are simply jokes, and I am in no way making fun of a real-life event or person. All scenarios are made up and are strictly for my own entertainment, (and hopefully yours too!). 

We all love a Christmas film, even the cringy, lovey dovey ones. To be honest though, during the Christmas season when I’ve asked the ever important “what’s your favourite Christmas film?” Some of the answers freak me out. I’m not one to judge, obviously, but I can definitely tell what kind of person you are based on your 'fav Christmas film'. I don’t know, I mean, I’m not a mind reader but I know most ‘Star Trek’ fans love Lego and I know all ‘UP’ fans are hopeless romantic ‘golden retriever types’. If you are one of these following people, let me know so I can laugh! So, without further ado, here’s what your 'Christmas fav' says about you: 

Die hard:

Middle-aged man who hates Christmas but tolerates it for his wife and kids. Probably has never and will ever watch The Grinch (either version). Every year you have to remind the kids to be quiet because the 'Queen's speech is on. You pester your wife in the kitchen, eating your body weight in gammon and stuffing and snarl when your hands are whacked away. You Prefer a cheese board over any other Christmas dessert and you're snoring just in time for the family charades game. Budweiser is the only one on your side today as you internally sob in credit card debt. 

Home alone collection:

A sarcastic older man who ironically laughs when the burglars fall down every single step, and you gasp in fear that Kevin isn’t gonna make it out alive. OR, you’ve been forced to watch it for the first time by a family member or your significant other and love it. You stopped watching after number 2, though, because why ruin Christmas? Your favourite saying is “keep the change ya filthy animal” and you just googled Macauley Culkin to see how the child actor's doing. Just runway modelled for Gucci? My god, the child actor who had it all, lost it all and has reverted to the former with a newborn and a million and one new job offers? Wow! The power of Christmas amiright? 

A Christmas Carol: 

A mums favourite! Loves the animated version best and “you’d never think Jim Carey was Scrooge!” You patiently sit with a big smile on your face, black bag in hand ready to collect wrapping paper at 8 am. The film's on as background noise as you put the meat on a slow cook and stand there basting the turkey thinking “I wonder what Ghost would come to threaten me? My mother’s disapproval of my life choices are scary enough!” and “I wonder if (insert husbands name) will agree to watch The Grinch this year, it is a classic after all”. You absolutely MUST have a glass of Bailey's before 3 pm. 

The Grinch:

You’re a 20 something old girl and love the “that’s it I’m not going” meme. You have 'Primark' Grinch slippers and matching PJs and you roped your boyfriend into buying a set too. You sit cross legged on the sofa at 8pm with a hot choccy to feel the full effect, but by 8:30 you’re scrolling on your TikTok feed just as the Grinch goes flying down the icy mountain. You’re obsessed with the idea that the Grinch’s only friend is his dog because dogs are the most amazing and beautiful creatures on the planet. Who doesn’t love dogs? You want 10 puppies when you grow up and when your significant other says no to anymore, you buy an eleventh to p*ss them off. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas:

You listen to Fall Out Boy daily and Halloween is your favourite holiday. OR, you’re a teenage boy, probably between the ages of 14-16 and you play the bass guitar. Either way, it’s not that you don’t like other Christmas films, you just prefer the aesthetic that TNBC brings, but you know your mum will definitely not let you watch it in the family room because the EastEnders special's on in an hour and she wants to know who killed so and so. You don’t like veg on your Christmas dinner and you’re probably vegetarian too. This Christmas you ate roast potato, mashed potato, boiled potato, and ketchup. 

The Holiday:

You’re a probably single, hopeless romantic who loves the idea of meeting your soulmate at Christmas time. You work a 9-5, Monday to Friday job and come Saturday evening, you're on the sofa, Chinese plated up and glass (bottle) of wine at the ready. Christmas is your favourite holiday but you're longing for a significant other to spend it with, so for now you're decorating the tree alone, and Tinder notifications are dinging away, replicating the melody of 'Jingle Bells'. You also watch 'School of Rock' unironically once a month. 

Bad Santa:

Christmas is a chaotic time of year for you, and you love to watch 'Bad Santa' go off the rails because he’s living your dream. You're an extremely sarcastic person anyway and are obsessed with the main character because you understand him more than anyone else. Every year you promise yourself that your shopping will be done by middle of November; but alas, come 23rd of December, you're running around like a headless chicken, still don't know who you're celebrating Christmas with this year and you're paying off 3 speeding tickets from the stress of it all. You used to love Christmas as a child, but adulting isn't working out like you'd hoped, especially at this time of year.

Elf:

You're definitely in your late teens or early twenties. You've watched this movie every year since childhood and always envision how spaghetti and syrup taste together. People call you a 'big kid' because you're still obsessed with whipped cream and marshmallows on your hot chocolate; only now, you've added a shot of Bailey's. You wouldn't hurt a fly, just like Buddy the Elf, because you're an absolute softy and probably have AT LEAST three teddies sitting comfortably on your bed right now. You're definitely the cleverest sibling in your family, but if we're discussing most absent minded? You take that crown too. You’re also a die-hard Will Ferrell stan and your favourite movie is 'Step Brothers'.

It’s A Wonderful Life:

If you have heard of it, you love it. It’s a true Christmas classic. It’s one of the only times this year you’ve felt truly grateful for the life you have, and you take full advantage. You go around the rooms of your family home asking family members to go carol singing with you. You also get out the memory book to gather everyone around to look at previous Christmas' together. You don't want Christmas Day to end because you know you have another 365 days to go before you get to feel this magical again. You say, "oh I hope it snows!" six times a day leading up to Christmas, to feel the full effect. The Christmas dinner isn't half bad either. 

The Polar Express:

Now that you watch it as an adult, you realise it’s actually a really badly made film but you loved it so much as a kid so it’s too late to go back on your choice. You spend more time defending this film and your life choices than you do watching it, and when you do, you're guaranteed to spend more time on your phone... Or doing absolutely anything else. It's ever so slightly started to freak you out just a little bit more every year, seeing Tom Hanks as basically every character. Nevertheless, it wouldn't be Christmas without defending your (so not) favourite Christmas film. It's your personality trait by now, it must be!

Any Netflix original Christmas movie ever:

Re-evaluate your options. You’re lying to yourself. Please stick ‘The Santa Clause’ on. If it's not a classic, it's not your favourite Christmas film. Look at the options above, pick a new favourite, and then we can talk. 

Cassie Moreland 

Ranking every ‘Love Actually’ couple from the ‘absolute worst’ to ‘simply the best!’

The 2003 Christmas phenomenon, ‘Love Actually’ stars some of the brightest actors in Hollywood: Liam Neeson, Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, Kiera Knightley and more! The film highlights key relationship dos and don’ts for any couple struggling at Christmas time. Whether your significant other is cheating, a big romantic or the Prime Minister, I’m gonna be ranking each ‘Love Actually’ relationship from worst to best so you don’t have to! Let’s see if “Love actually is all around.”

10. Colin Frissel and his ‘American Dream(s)’: 

Extremely self-explanatory for Colin to reserve tenth place in this ranking system because, realistically, what did the character do to prove "love actually is all around"? If the film was "Sex Actually", he’d have top spot; however, for me, the caterer and his American companions provided no sort of emotional depth, and the insecure Brit flew to a different continent JUST to get laid. On the contrary, Colin had a very lovely relationship with fellow caterer and friend "Tony", who supported his travel plans and was waiting for him at the airport on their return home! What a friend!

9. Sam and Joanna:

Whilst I think it’s absolutely precious that thirteen-year-old Sam found "love" with American school girl "Joanna", I find it strangely concerning that his love interest shares the same name as his mother, whom the character is still mourning. I enjoyed seeing Sam take on new hobbies (like the drums) to impress Joanna, however I do feel the audience should’ve been made aware that Sam felt a stranger to Joanna from the offset. It’s a shame their relationship seemed short lived with her leaving right after their concert performance, although who isn’t a sucker for the adorable airport scene they share?

8. Peter and Juliet (and Mark):

Personally, for me, this relationship is NOT the one. I absolutely hated that the film romanticised the idea of being in love with your best friend’s girl. Peter deserved way better than what he got from both his best friend, Mark, and his new bride, Juliet, (Kiera Knightley). The fascination Mark had for Juliet and the scene where she watches the video, he took of her on her wedding day was not appropriate at all for younger viewers, as it promotes false ideas of how love and relationships should be. This therefore takes eighth place ONLY for the iconic Christmas carol scene where Mark openly admits his love for Juliet in the form of large cards on her doorstep. My favourite part of the entire love triangle scenario is where Mark finally gets his closure with the closing line "enough".  

7. Judy and John:

 What’s not to love about Judy and John? Martin Freeman of "The Hobbit", and Joanna Page of "Gavin and Stacey", falling in love after meeting at a porno shoot is the most unexpected and hilarious twist of events in the whole film. However, how memorable are Judy and John apart from that? Whereas most characters in this film cross paths somewhere or another during the movie, the pair are (fairly) separate, which I happen to love, but they don’t have a lot of ground to stand on fighting for a place in top three with the likes of other, more important characters. I would’ve loved to have seen more character development from the pair and maybe a more important storyline, but as far as "Love Actually" goes, both Judy and John are the embodiment of two Brits falling in love. 

6. Sarah and Karl:

(TW) Unpopular opinion but having Sarah and Karl in sixth place was absolutely crucial when doing my rankings, because although the work colleagues never amounted to anything romantic, what’s extremely important is the love Sarah has for her brother, Michael. It breaks my heart every time I watch the movie, seeing Sarah sacrifice establishing a romantic connection with her long-term crush, to look after her (presumed) Schizophrenic brother. The character development we saw from Sarah throughout and the insight into her personal life helped to show the audience a deeper love connection than romance. The relationship between family is just as vital in the Christmas period and as we’re made aware, they’re all each other have. I loved the entire storyline and will not take any Sarah and Karl sixth place slander. 

5. Billy Mack and ‘fat manager’ Joe:

The grumpy, washed-up singer and his trusty manager are one of my favourite duos. Billy Mack’s number one Christmas hit "Christmas is all around" might be the anthem of the movie and that wouldn’t be possible without Joe. I love their "hate to love and love to hate" relationship and you can tell they’re both incredibly loyal to each other regardless of the one-sided bullying on Billy Mack’s part. The audience might even feel sorry for Billy Mack; he feels extremely alone in his later years but gives off this bad boy musician persona. "Now I’m left with no one, wrinkled and alone" and it’s extremely heart-warming to see him soften up towards the end and give Joe the recognition and love he truly deserves for putting up with him. "Much as it grieves me to say it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you." This friendship is incredibly realistic, especially for two middle aged friends. The expectation for Billy to disown his manager is seen throughout the film and I love that he did exactly the opposite come Christmas time, choosing to spend it with Joe. You just must love them!

 4. The Prime Minister (David) and Natalie:

What I love about David and Natalie is that it’s so far-fetched and cringy that it’s an absolute must in every Christmas film! Frankly, I adore The Prime Minster, (Hugh Grant) and throughout the film, he just gets better and better. David continuously stood up for Natalie throughout, and even humiliated the President of the United States, whom The United Kingdom were previously friendly with, due to his vile, sexual coercion towards her. David is also the owner of the iconic quote "if you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling that love actually is all around" which represents the entire movie completely. The local celebrity, linked to Daniel and Karen is just a normal, down to Earth, lonely man with big responsibilities and it’s extremely heart-warming that by the end of the movie, he no longer has to live in the big "10 Downing Street" house alone as he’s fallen for his PA, Natalie. Her big family is exactly what David needs to keep himself humble and happy! Therefore, I believe it’s a match made in heaven. Let’s not forget to mention my absolute favourite scene, the iconic dance to "Jump (For My Love)". Extremely fitting!

3. Harry and Karen: 

Karen has my entire heart. The audience can’t help but feel sorry for Emma Thompson’s character throughout as we watch her long term husband and father of her kids begin an affair with an employee of his, Mia. Harry (Alan Rickman) seriously takes advantage of the mother of his children and soon understands the severity of his actions. What I hate to love about this relationship, is that it’s so realistic and is a true representation of relationships worldwide. The relatability of Karen, just wanting more from her husband is made clear with her desire for a bigger, more impactful Christmas gift. If you’re a great mother, a great wife, and a great sister, what more could you do to make your significant other love you just that little bit harder? This relationship doesn’t come with happiness and excitement like all the others in "Love Actually”; it’s one of sorrow and longing for better. The audience can feel the vast impact of Harry’s deceit in the crying scene where we see Karen silently weeping to Joni Mitchell"s "Both Sides Now" and it is heart-breaking. However, what broke my heart the most was how Karen wiped her tears away for the sake of her children; and carried on, proving just how loyal and determined she is to still be the best mother possible for her cheating husband and for her kids. This relationship is painful to watch, however, third place is definitely ideal for the pair, as it signifies everything that this Christmas film is about- determination for the ones you love. 

2. Jamie Bennett and Aurelia: 

Jamie and Aurelia are my favourite romantic couple by a long mile and definitely deserve second place! After dealing with heartbreak from his ex-girlfriend and travelling to France to write his novel, Jamie’s unlikely friendship with Portuguese speaking, Aurelia is one I can’t help but squeal at! Their willingness to do anything to be together is exceptional to see and is exactly what the romantic aspect of this film is about. I love how both characters are desperate to know each other despite the language barrier, and that Aurelia loves to see Jamie happy. In France and away from the manic of the other relationships around them, the pair get to know each other as friends and understand each other on a deeper level even without sharing the same first language proving just how perfect they are for each other. Their relationship emphasises just how easy love is to find and exactly how amazing it can be when both contributors make sacrifices. It’s also pretty amazing that Jamie would rather fly to confess his love to Aurelia in a foreign country, in a room full of strangers, then spend Christmas without her. Never settle for less girls!

1.Daniel and Sam: 

Top spot was no competition for me. Daniel, (Liam Neeson), and his stepson, Sam overcome the biggest challenge a pair can face- the loss of Sam’s mum. These characters are simply the best and steal the show with their everlasting support for each other throughout. Daniel is the best dad he can be, and although extremely lonely following the loss of his wife, Joanna, he still takes on full responsibility of Sam and bears the pain on his shoulders for them both. Whilst Sam attempts to prove his defamation of love to his crush, Joanna; Daniel is 100% supportive and willing to go above and beyond for his son. I love that the pair understand each other completely and there is never any bad blood or negativity, given the struggles they’ve both faced. I also admire Sam’s braveness to let Daniel know he is comfortable with his stepdad dating again; showing once again how much they love each other. They’re each other’s strength, which is vastly notable and overtakes every other "Love Actually" relationship by a long mile. The pair were introduced to each other by fate and are clear examples of being the best of friends, father and son and having an evident and strong similarity; the love they both share for late Joanna. 

To Conclude:

Each and every relationship in this brilliant Rom-Com signifies a different particular take on "love" which is why it’s the best. It’s almost like watching 10 different films in one! How lucky are we? Each song used is represented beautifully by the characters and represents the alternate scenarios perfectly. These rankings are my own opinions and I’d love to hear yours too!

Cassie Moreland